First weeks @home with Linnéa

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personal stories

Sitting at home, drinking an evening beer while Linnéa is sleeping. This might be the right point of time to look back a little and to think about the first part of my paternity-leave I longed so much for. So, while Annika is fighting with the European decision processes, I center my life for a short while around our little one.

But it didn’t start as expected, as I got a fever during one of the first nights, which didn’t let me sleep more than an hour during that night. Poor Annika, who had to handle an hypochondriac husband during that night. Luckily Soumya and Asko, two friends from the times back at Nokia, jumped in to support me throughout the following day. Thanks a lot for that! After a quick recovery and the move into our real apartment in the city, I could (re)start the time at home a week after. There we are now. It’s hard to explain, but the every-day life changes completely and the responsibility grows big time. I took care of Linnéa a lot before, but previously Annika was mostly there as well. She backed up every decision I made. It was mostly me observing, learning and adapting. Filling the gaps. I didn’t expect the change being so big. But being alone at home let me feel the responsibility I have much stronger. It maybe sounds funny, but even this can make you feel exhausted at the end of the day.

As said before, Linnéa and me spent together almost every free minute the work left us. But still I was a bit nervous, as Annika is THE person for her, being around 24/7. In Munich sometimes Linnéa didn’t allow me to hold her, when Annika was in the same room. But certainly we had a good start together. At the beginning the “goodbye mom” was still a bit tough, and some crying involved, but this changed already to a happy “goodbye-waving-kissing mom”. Phew! Otherwise we had to find our rhythm together, which works better and better every day. Until now we were really lucky with the weather and spent a lot of time outside walking and running. I love the liberty of being able to fill the day with nice and enjoyable things. We are a lot in the city, playing in the park next door or preparing lunch and dinner.

It feels great right now. And everything around Linnéa feels so much more intense. I think we are getting so much closer and understanding each other better every day. A nice story, which happened to me in a restaurant could be representative for the first few weeks. A couple was sitting next to the table, where Linnéa and me sat. The woman pregnant. The couple was dining in peace, talking, and enjoying the moment, while Linnéa was jumping up and down on my lap. At some point they started the conversation. We talked – of course – about being a parent. When I gave the advice, that they should really enjoy one of the last dinners in peace, the guy said: “You look so happy, so that I can bear with the change.”

That made me really happy :)

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